Little Creature, Daughter Babylon

I went to a silent retreat at a Catholic monastery. I documented it.

Disclaimer: I don’t want to doxx anyone, even nuns, so all names are redacted. Some stuff I thought about during my weekend is also redacted.

Backstory

I grew up Catholic, I went to Catholic school, for all intents and purposes: I am Catholic. I told myself in college that I would put Catholicism on hold, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to experience anything.

Fast forward: 26, idiot, lost in life. Fast forward some more: a solo silent retreat at an empty monastery following spiritual exercises designed by Saint Ignatius of Loyola.

I went into the weekend completely blind. All I knew was that I would not be on my phone and that food would be provided. The following are pictures and journal entries, in chronological order:

DAY 1

The main church - a secret door leads to the retreat house below

My humble abode for 3 days

Every room had a number and a saint

The retreat house has women’s and men’s quarters. It is shaped like an H and very large, with many looming hallways. Lights are motion activated.

My very huge and rigorous schedule

The St. Pauls/Harry Potter bathroom

Le Labo trashcan <3

Heavily redacted but here to illustrate that I was starting to parse out some deep seated stuff on the first day

Please take note of the THREE entire cookies (and Olive Garden Italian style dressing). Say what you want, but at the end of the day: nuns are girls and girls love sweets

Didn’t realize until after I took this picture of the beautiful Dependence on God lines that my tears fell onto the pages

Having fun!

DAY 2

Around noon I realized I had a small stye forming. Divine intervention? I am going to be really vulnerable and admit that I was definitely picking my nose then touching my eye after, presumably. I was very bored and afraid to do anything sinful, so I just went to town on my nostrils to pass the time. I do not think picking your nose is a sin.

Let it be known that I don’t regularly eat or request to eat pizza, but I woke up that day thinking, “I hope I get pizza.” Did God answer me? Did He fill the nuns with the Holy Spirit, giving them the grace to make a really good slice?

This croissant cookie was insanely coquette for no reason

Having dinner

And staring at this

DAY 3

I am not thinking of anything when I leave. In the emergency Uber, I put on my headphones and play a song I have never listened to on purpose.

Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you

Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world

It's my own design
It's my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most

Of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world

There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do I'll be right behind you

So glad we've almost made it
So sad they had to fade it
Everybody wants to rule the world

I can't stand this indecision
Married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the world
Say that you'll never never never never need it
One headline why believe it?
Everybody wants to rule the world

All for freedom and for pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world