Since You Can’t Read
I don’t make enough money. I don’t generate enough excitement when I enter a room. I think I just wanted to be impressive to you, but it came out wrong.
I believed all of your dreams, adoration
You took my heart and my keys and my patience
You took my heart on my sleeve for decoration
You mistaken my love I brought for you for foundation
I am standing in a circle full of those dummies you use for target practice. That’s what this feels like. They’re all just willing me to shoot.
So I’m going away, onto this island, all by myself. I booked an emergency trip to hell. The sand is filled with garbage shards and I’m so sad. I’m always so sad.
You know I dealt with you the nicest.
Since you can’t read, since you’re blind, I can do what I want. Since it was too much, I’m back to shoveling the shit. Pseudo suicide pact. What’s more important than my feelings?
Work, work, work, work, work, work
Every day, every day, every day
Until I can’t anymore.
Ugh, not another line about myself -
even this apology isn’t for you!
It’s so exhausting not making it about me, again. There’s only one person capable of picking up what I’ve been putting down. Do you understand the concept of self-preservation?
Once you cross a line, you cross them all. Everybody wants to believe they couldn’t, but they do. Now it’s my fault, again, for not saying it.
“She’s a killer
and she’s gonna kill again,
if you let her,”
is what people must think
when you’re doomed
maybe if I was
quiet
it wouldn’t even matter anymore
overcorrecting this course
If I get another chance to,
I would never, no, never neglect you
I mean, who am I to hold your past against you?
All the bitches here happen to be my sons.
“Is your name Lauren?”
What?
“Is your name Lauren?”
No.
“You look just like a bitch I met the other day.”
Lauren was the name I used in 2018 to be a sugar baby. That shit doesn’t work like you think it does.
I just hope that it gets to you
I hope that you see this through
I hope that you see this true
What can I say?
Please recognize, I’m trying baby
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
